Q:I am always feeling guilty about everything and friends tell me that I have a guilt-complex. How can I tell if I have an obsession with guilt or if God is convicting me about something?

A: This is an excellent question in terms of how it is worded because you distinguish between the "feeling" of guilt and the state of "being" guilty. Feeling guilt is not necessarily an indication of whether you are actually guilty. Many people feel guilty for no apparent wrong and as you say, "obsess" over actions, attitudes and "shoulds" that have no grounds for such self-incrimination. Yet there are others, who live with unconfessed sin in their lives, that don't feel guilt at all. The latter somehow have rationalized their behaviors, or hardened their hearts to the Holy Spirit, so that they can live with themselves without paying the penalty or consequences of their sin. Of course, sin will in the long run catch up with them but, in the meantime, they seem to be without the ensuing emotional duress that comes with acknowledgement. Why do some people feel guiltier than others do and often for no apparent reason? Let me share a few statements about the difference between true and false guilt before answering your question.

Webster defines guilt both ways: as "the act or state of having done a wrong or committed an offense" and as "a painful feeling of self-reproach resulting from a belief that one has done something wrong or immoral." True guilt is the result of being under conviction for some actual wrong. False guilt, however, is the feeling of guilt without the ability to attach the feeling to any specific wrong. True guilt is the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives to bring us to an awareness of God's truth and our need for repentance. False guilt is Satan's way of keeping us in bondage to works and performance so that God's grace is shielded from us. Both true and false guilt can be crippling if not dealt with, the former through repentance and the later by introspection.

People who obsess or ruminate about events or thoughts that are not linked to wrong usually have learned through experience that they are not worthy of forgiveness or are inadequate in meeting the expectations of God and others. This may be because of abuse from their past that has left them feeling dirty or shameful about themselves or because of neglect, whether physical or emotional, whereby they learned that they were not good enough to deserve to have their needs or desires met. Obsessing is a way to divert the pain from an emotional to a cognitive level. By obsessing, they can keep a running history of their shortcomings without actually having to deal with their feelings of inadequacy or sense of shame that pervades their being. Obsessing also keeps them detached from the real reason for their feelings of guilt. Satan wants to delude us from seeing the truth about ourselves, which is in fact that we are sinners in need of a Savior. Ruminating can be a smokescreen from seeing the areas of our lives that truly need to be confessed.

The only way to tell which is "true" and which is "false" is by opening our hearts to God's truth as revealed in His word and through Godly counsel. It isn't enough to blindly ask for forgiveness without having a specific instance for which to be forgiven, and also without truly recognizing the severity of our transgressions against God. Confession involves seeing our behavior or thoughts as in direct contradiction to God's holiness, having a willingness to be cleansed from the sins and being committed to not repeating them. Only when we lay ourselves bare before God are we able to see our shame. If we are truly repentant before Him and yet are haunted by lingering feelings of guilt then we may need to talk with someone who can help us to examine the source of our guilt. By exploring the seeds of false guilt we will have the opportunity to receive God's grace and find peace of mind. I encourage you to call our Center to talk with someone who can help lead you to that road to freedom.